Can we raise our kids in two faiths?

Yes, families do it, and they do it in different ways. Some choose one faith for the kids. Some teach both. Some teach their values and let kids choose later. There’s no single right recipe. Kids tend to remember whether their parents were honest and kind to each other, more than which holidays came with presents.

1 · MindWhat people believe, and how they know

Interfaith families are common in America. Pew found that 39 percent of Americans who married since 2010 (in a 2014 survey) have a spouse in a different religious group, compared with 19 percent of those who married before 1960. Many of those recent pairings are a Christian and someone with no religion.

Religious leaders don’t all agree on raising kids in two faiths. Some traditions ask that children be raised in one. Some clergy work closely with interfaith families. If it matters to you, ask your own clergy directly, early, and over coffee rather than at the baptism or bris.

What each tradition or community says

Families who choose one faith

Many say a single home tradition gives kids a clear identity and community, while they still honor the other parent’s heritage at holidays and family events.

Families who teach both

Many say kids can understand two traditions honestly, including where they disagree, and that this mirrors the real family they live in.

Families who wait

Some teach shared values and let children choose a faith as they grow. Critics say kids may end up with neither. Supporters say pressure does the same thing faster.

2 · HeartWhat it feels like

For the parents, this question often carries a hidden one: will my child still be connected to me, to my parents, to the faith that shaped me? That’s a tender fear. Say it out loud to each other.

For the kids, the main worry is usually simpler. Do Mom and Dad fight about this? Will I have to pick a side? A child who never has to choose between parents can handle a lot of theology.

Some kids in interfaith families get both Hanukkah and Christmas. I’ve heard no complaints from the kids. The grandparents are another department.Neighbor Radio

3 · HandsHow to be a good neighbor

Decide together before the baby arrives if you can, and revisit it as kids grow. Talk about the nonnegotiables for each of you. Be honest with kids: “Dad believes this, I believe this, and we love each other.” They can carry that.

Bring both grandparents into the story without making them referees. When kids ask hard questions, “I don’t know” is an honest answer. So is “Let’s ask your mom.”

This weekEach parent tells the kids one story from their tradition this week, and why it matters to them personally.

Plain wordsWhat do these words mean?

Interfaith: Between people of different religions, like an interfaith family or an interfaith dinner.
Baptism: A washing with water that marks becoming part of the Christian church. Some churches baptize babies; others baptize people old enough to choose.

All the words →

Four questions to take with you

From Jesus' story of the Good Samaritan, about the stranger who stopped to help. We call it the Samaritan Test.

Did they see? Or look right past?
Did they stop? Even when it was inconvenient?
Did it cost them? Time, money, comfort, reputation?
Did they treat the person like a person? Not like a label?

Try it on: your spouse’s tradition. Do you see what it gives them, or only what it costs you?

Quick questions

Will kids raised in two faiths be confused?

Some say they felt confused. Many say they felt rich in tradition. Parental conflict seems to matter more than the number of holidays.

What if our families disagree with our choice?

Listen to their concerns kindly, then decide as a couple. You can honor your parents without handing them the steering wheel.

Should we pick a religion before the wedding?

It helps to talk about it before the wedding, even if you don’t decide everything. Surprises are better at birthday parties.

Sources and research

Pew Research Center, 2015: Interfaith marriage is common in U.S., particularly among the recently wed

How this answer was made

Written in plain words by the Neighbor Radio team. Each faith's and community's section is checked by someone from that faith or community. Until then, this page says so. Spot something wrong? Tell us. We read every note and fix mistakes.