Why do people shake hands or hug in the middle of church?

It’s called the sharing of the peace. In many Lutheran, Catholic, Episcopal and Methodist churches, people turn to those nearby and say “Peace be with you.” Many reply “And also with you,” or just “Peace.” A handshake, nod or wave is fine. The custom comes from Jesus greeting his friends with peace. He also taught people to make up with each other before worship.

1 · MindWhat people believe, and how they know

Most social rules are learned by being told and by watching, not explained. If no one taught you, you didn’t fail. The knowledge just wasn’t handed to you.

What each tradition or community says

We're Christians, so we list what Christians believe first. Every other section is checked by someone from that faith or community.

Christian services

Usually after the prayers and before communion. Some churches keep it short, some turn it into a five-minute mingle.

Jewish services

There’s no exact match, but Shabbat greetings like “Shabbat shalom” are exchanged before and after.

Muslim prayer

After congregational prayer, many turn their head right and left saying “As-salamu alaykum” (peace be upon you), then often greet people nearby.

The common thread

Peace is the greeting in all three: shalom, salaam, peace be with you.

2 · HeartWhat it feels like

If nobody told you this was coming, it’s a jolt. One minute everyone faces forward, the next minute strangers reach for your hand.

What it means: “We’re okay. Whatever happened this week, we’re at peace with each other.” It’s a small rehearsal of loving your neighbor.

How to handle it: you can offer a hand, nod, wave, or place your hand on your heart and smile. Saying “Peace” is enough. Nobody is grading you. If touch is hard, stand near the end of a row or by the wall.

The first time a church lady hugged me during the peace, I froze like a deer in a Costco. Now I offer a handshake first. Most folks take the hint, and the ones who don’t mean well.Neighbor Radio

3 · HandsHow to be a good neighbor

After the resurrection, Jesus’ first words to his frightened friends were “Peace be to you” (John 20:19). Earlier he taught that if you remember someone has something against you, go make peace before bringing your gift to the altar (Matthew 5:23-24).

This weekIf you’re a regular, tell a first-time visitor what’s coming before the peace. That’s hospitality.

SourcesWhere it is in the scriptures

New Testament

• John 20:19 Read it in the World English Bible on Free Scripture
• Matthew 5:23-24 Read it in the World English Bible on Free Scripture

Plain wordsWhat do these words mean?

Catholic

The largest Christian church in the world, led by the Pope in Rome.

Communion

A shared meal of bread and wine (or juice) that Christians eat to remember Jesus’ last supper. Also called the Eucharist or the Lord’s Supper.

Shabbat

The Jewish Sabbath, a day of rest from Friday at sundown to Saturday night.

All the words →

Four questions to take with you

From Jesus' story of the Good Samaritan, about the stranger who stopped to help. We call it the Samaritan Test.

1. Did they see? Or look right past?
2. Did they stop? Even when it was inconvenient?
3. Did it cost them? Time, money, comfort, reputation?
4. Did they treat the person like a person? Not like a label?

Try it on: the visitor standing alone at the back. Did anyone stop, or just pass the peace around them?

Quick questions

What do I say during the sharing of the peace?

“Peace be with you” or simply “Peace.” If someone says it first, reply “And also with you” or “Peace.”

Can I skip it?

Yes. A smile and a nod is a complete answer.